Wags Words of Wisdom – Season 4
Guess what time it is? It’s time for Wags Words of Wisdom, Billions season four. Did you miss our first two dozen that covered seasons one through three? Catch up by reading them here and here.
As I pointed out last time, Mike “Wags” Wagner, played by David Costabile, is my second favorite character on the Showtime hit series Billions-Axe being the first of course. Sure, he’s an acquired taste for some but we gladly claim Wags as our rapacious scumbag. He’s still that pinky ring-wearing, Michter’s whiskey drinking, vintage Mercedes driving, petite handlebar mustache sporting, sharp-dressed man with a childhood affinity for Yosemite Sam, as proven by his ass tattoo of said gun-slinging cartoon outlaw.
Wags continues to be the Chief Operating Officer at Axe Capital-that formidable attack dog, financial consigliere, valet, and leader of the minions. He’s the right-hand man to Bobby Axelrod and just as loyal as the unsullied soldiers are to the mother of dragons.
And in real life, Damian (Axe) and David (Wags) have a kinship all the same.
When speaking to On TV Today, Costabile credits fellow stage veteran Lewis with bringing equal comfort to the Axe-and-Wags relationship:
“There’s just a commonality about how we work that is really easy between the two of us. I think there is a great generosity about the two of us working together to make something slightly comedic. We don’t even talk about how we’re going to do it.”
Here are some real-life stats about David:
Birthdate: Jan. 9, 1967
Birthplace: Washington, D.C.
Current residence: Brooklyn, N.Y.
Marital status: Married; has two daughters
Trivia: David is often times referred to as “Costy” on the set of Billions
To learn more about David Costabile the actor, read F**king Wags!”: A Cup of Coffee With David Costabile.
Can you imagine anyone else playing Wags on Billions? Nor can I. Which brings me to the best of Wags. It remains true, Wags and all his one-liners are memorable and wise. Wags’ words of wisdom, albeit unconventional, are nonetheless noteworthy and here are just a few that made my top 13, a baker’s dozen:
#13 – “If the Chicken Man is wrong, why does he get to stay the Chickenman? He’s a chicken patsy!”
Wisdom: Work it out in your mind until you figure out the scheme.
Episode: Chickentown S4E3
#12 – Two from the same scene:
“Wiki me up to speed”
Wisdom: Give me the cliff notes, stat.
“Do I need a girlfriend? For post brunch reach-arounds anyway.”
Wisdom: Analyze what you’re considering before final decision making.
Episode: Chickentown S4E3
#11 – “Money just walked in.”
Wisdom: The Chuck Woolery of Wallstreet-know what makes your guy tick.
Episode: Chucky Rhoades’s Greatest Game S4E1
#10 – “Nicole Aniston? Blair Williams? No, wait! Cory Chase? If you’re a Lisa Ann fan, you’re a Cory Chase fanatic. She’s a national treasure.”
Wisdom: Password porn ain’t got nothing on ‘Wagsy Who’s Your Daddy!’
Episode: A Proper Sendoff S4E5
#9 – “Well then, I guess we’re done looking for standard solutions. Goody gumdrops. I’ll be at the office. Thinking. Planning. Sure, say it…scheming.”
Wisdom: Always have a plan B.
Episode: Infinite Game S4E7
#8 – “Jed, we struck oil.”
Wisdom: We back in biz.
Episode: Fight Night S4E8
#7 – “Like Huey Lewis crooned – we’re going back in time. Who’s ready to do some smilin’ and dialin’?”
Wisdom: Old school is cool.
Episode: Overton Window S4E4
#6 – “Honey, baby, sweetie…it’s your dear old Uncle Wags. Haven’t seen you since that tray of Kamikazes we stared down after Sohn.”
Wisdom: Know when to grease the squeaky wheels of business associates.
Episode: Overton Window S4E4
#5 – “Attaway! Now we ride you like Justify.”
Wisdom: Pick a winner to take you to the very end.
Episode: Overton Window S4E4
#4 – “I don’t care if you have to jam it in your grandmother’s goddamn IRA account. I need you to take it. Take it. Fucking take it. Right fucking now or suffer my wrath forrr..EVERRrrrr.”
Wisdom: Say it enough times, they will eventually give in to you.
Episode: Overton Window S4E4
#3 – “Say literally again and I will light you on fire like a dragon of yore.”
Wisdom: Learn not to test your boss’s patience during Defcon 1!
Episode: Overton Window S4E4
#2 – “It’s on like Chaka Khan. Chaka Khan? Chaka Khan! Chaka Khan, let me rock ya, let me rock ya, Chaka Khan. Let me rock ya, that’s all I wanna do.”
Wisdom: Always be on the ‘ready.’
Episode: Chucky Rhoades’s Greatest Game S4E1
#1 – “My vengeance will come like I do…slow, thunderous, and in your eye.”
Wisdom: Hell hath no fury like a wo(man) scorned.
Episode: Maximum Recreational Depth S4E6
Honorable Mention: “I don’t know what’s coursing through my body…GHB, ketamine? Whoof. I mean, everything was going great. Then they turned on me like Sharon Stone did in Total Recall.”
Wisdom: Know your drugs.
Episode: Chucky Rhoades’s Greatest Game S4E1
Honorable Mention: “The Israelis do not fuck around when it comes to their spy equipment. But, why is it in your hands instead of set up taking goddamn pictures?”
Wisdom: Ask the right questions, you get the right answers.
Episode: Chickentown S4E3
Wags On and Off the Set of Billions
Sad to see this end? Here’s what Wags has to say about that:
