Marry, Shag, Banish – Damian Lewis
Characters Version

It’s game time! Growing up I loved watching 70’s/80’s game shows. Remember these catch phrases?

“Come on down!”
“Survey says…”
“No whammies, no whammies, no whammies…and STOP!”
“I’d like to buy a vowel.”

And I’m in heaven with the recent revivals of Match Game, Celebrity Family Feud, and To Tell the Truth. I even DVR old Match Game episodes from time to time to watch my favorite panelists Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly like I did when I watched reruns as a child.

If it’s a game, you can count me in! I often host Bunco round-robins, hold Whiz Spades tournaments, and throw Mexican Train Dominoes events.  I am no emcee–I have to be in on the action and playing.  Games are great fun, whether spending family time together or as an added bonus to your dinner party with friends. Even drinking games like Never Have I Ever and Marry, Shag Kill are hysterical to play.

Which brings me to Marry, Shag, Kill (our version is Marry, Shag, Banish to an Island).

I remember distinctly when I learned about the game Marry, Shag, Kill. It was 2009 and I was watching pop culture-based late night talk show Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (WWHL). Honestly, the entire format of his show is great. He starts off with ‘Three Things I’m Obsessed with Tonight’ and ends every show with a ‘Mazel of the Day’ and a ‘Jackhole of the Day.’ At times they even play Hollywood Squares, Bravo edition, another one of my favorite game shows of all time. On Wednesdays it’s ‘Shotski Night’ where three people take a shot together at the same time from a ski–a gift Andy received from Jimmy Fallon.

Since then I’ve seen movies that reference Marry, Shag, Kill and now it’s one of the most popular drinking games you’ll play at parties or while on road trips and the like. So what is it? Marry, Shag, Kill is a popular game in which players are presented with the names of three celebrities. Of the options presented, you must pick one to marry, one to shag and one to kill.

But a certain blog mate of mine was struggling with the concept of killing off a Damian Lewis character. We thought long and hard for an alternative but nothing surfaced, so we killed off some characters in preparation for this post. Then on July 31st I was watching Watch What Happens Live again and one of Andy Cohen’s guests said she would rather banish to an island than kill. TA-DA! We revived all the characters we killed off and simply shipped them to an island instead.

Now that we know the rules of the original game, let’s expand on that. Instead of utilizing real celebrity names, we will play using Damian Lewis characters.  And instead of killing off a Damian Lewis character, we will banish one to an island. You can play along, too, in the comments section.

So welcome to Marry, Shag, Banish: Damian Lewis Characters Version! Let’s get started.

Gingersnap

Marry – I went back and forth between Bobby Axelrod and Charlie Crews because both have the same traits that give me a lady zinger: confidence, loyalty, intelligence and success. But Charlie seems a little more loving of the two, so I’d marry him. I dig a confident alpha who’s loyal as shit and smart as hell. Those are hard to find. And I get to shag him anytime I want! Which leads me to the next category…Shag.

Shag – I would shag the hell out of Brody because, well, those Homeland scenes alone are worth more than the best porn you’d have to buy LOL (half kidding). You’re welcome:

Banish– I loved Soames because Damian brought such humanity to the character. Don’t get me wrong, Soames was despicable and should be punished, but Damian played him in such a way that you almost felt sorry for him. So that being said, I’d banish Soames to a deserted island to live in his own misery amongst the coconuts.

Lady Trader

This was a lot easier than I thought it would be, and a lot of fun thinking about it. I’m going to guess one pick will not surprise you (at all), and another may!

Marry – It will be no surprise to anyone that I would marry Bobby Axelrod. We like the same music (uh, hello! we even have the same Black Sabbath shirts!!). We are both New Yorkers, born and raised in the 70’s & 80’s. Our love of gambling lead us to what we love to do for a living: trading. We may have a few disagreements on stocks (he may be a Small Cap Value man, while I’ll always be a Large Cap Growth girl at heart), and the direction of the market, but I wouldn’t bat one eye on how he is “flexible” with rules and regulations.  However, in the pre-nup I’d make him sign, Wendy would have to go, like yesterday. Why would he need her, if he had me?

Shag – Charlie Crews is the lucky man! He’s fun, has a nice car (that 80’s Grand National is my Dad’s dream car), and since he’s wealthy, I know we would have a nice meal before we got down to the deed. Also, I know it won’t lead to anything, and I’m just fine with that; I’m marrying Bobby Axelrod you see!

Banish – I would banish Henry Tudor (Henry VIII) to an island, but it would be around the same time as his death (January, 1547). I am a Tudor junkie, and having read so much about Henry, Elizabeth, and Tudor England in general, I will always believe that Henry knew (or chose not to) that Anne Boleyn was innocent of the crimes she was accused of. Thomas Cromwell set her up, but Henry had her killed. Since she had already admitted their marriage was void, even if she did commit adultery, it was no longer treason. He could have had her live out her life in a nunnery. (Served him right that his next bride died in childbirth.) Why would I wait to banish him? Well, since I truly believe that the Elizabethan Age was a Golden Age, and will always admire Elizabeth for being a strong female ruler and sticking to her beliefs of not having a man tell her what to do, I would need the rest of the timeline to play out as history records it, so Gloriana will still become Queen of England.

Damianista

Marry – I would marry pre-war Nicholas Brody in a heartbeat because I would be madly in love but I am not sure if we would be happy together. It seems he and Jessica had marital bliss before he was shipped to Iraq and I am NO Jessica – I have no domestic bone in my body. So, it may be a good idea to go look for another man to marry!

What do I want in a man I would share my life with? I want him to be a hopeless romantic. I want him to enjoy traveling because it is my biggest ambition in life. I want him to love culture and have an artistic side, too, if possible. And knowing none of the characters Damian brings to life are from my part of the world, the man I would marry should be open-minded so we can have a healthy inter-cultural marriage. Can you guess who I am marrying?

Norman Harris.

If you have seen Brides, you know Norman is the most romantic character Damian has brought to life to date. If not, please do yourself a favor and see the movie! Norman is romantic. Check! Norman is an artist. Check! He is a photographer whose war photographs get turned down by magazines for being too artistic to publish! I do not know if Norman loves traveling but it seems he will need to travel for his job and I am happy to tag along. Check! Norman is from Chicago but has lived abroad. He is not only open to different cultures but also tries to understand them. Check! I know he has fallen for a Greek girl once so why not for a Turkish girl? Believe me, we, the strong-willed Mediterraneans, are extremely similar! And can you believe Norman  speaks Turkish!?!?! So he can even communicate with my relatives who do not speak English. Perfect husband material. The only flaw I have seen with him is he smokes but we will work on it.

Hey Norman, pop the question already! Maybe like this in a letter: “Damianista, my darling, I thought about you all last night. That’s more or less how a love letter begins. Isn’t it, D?” 😀

Shag – First things first: I understand Brody may be surprised, even offended, I am not marrying him 😀 Well, I find it surprising, too, because Brody is without question my all-time favorite fictional character, and not just that, I have also been calling myself a “Brody widow” since his sad passing. What is wrong with me? Hmmm… I guess I am too selfish (which I call my “only-child syndrome”!) to stay with someone as damaged as my beloved Brody. That said, I am happy to have a one-night stand with him 😀

Nicholas Brody changed my life. Seriously. I was a regular 40 year old woman attending to her own thing UNTIL this mysterious fictional character hit me, again I am not exaggerating, like a truck. A TRUCK! I do not know what exactly Brody did to me, but to say the least, this blog came out of the love I have for him. From his pain to his survival, from his vulnerability to his faith, I loved every bit of Brody and felt this deep maternal affection that I did not know existed in me to cuddle him and tell him everything would turn out to be alright — even I knew deep inside  it would not. And you know, while you are cuddling, one thing can lead to another… and who am I to turn down a man who would say “I want to live here for a second” in bed? Thank you, Meredith Stiehm, for the magical words you put into the man’s mouth!

Banish– Confession: I am THAT blog mate who struggled with the concept of killing so imagine my happiness when Gingersnap let us know that we would play Shag, Marry, Banish! Yay! If I am to banish a man to an island for the rest of his life, I should strongly believe the world will be a better place without him. So… I am looking at you, Mr. Gary Winston! Every time he appears in An Unfinished Life, Gary gives you the CREEPS and yes, in caps, too! The bottled up anger in his crazy eyes make you feel uneasy. He is a nasty, violent, abusive man. Bye, Gary!

JaniaJania

Marry – Charlie: Laughter. Just a sliver of private darkness, and that only occasionally. Smart and effective at his job. Faithful and true. A healthy eater.

Shag – Brody: Dark broody murdery inside with a generally sunny appearance to anyone not looking deeper. A million nerve endings right at the surface not just in the usual places but everywhere else too. Damaged and broken, but still alive dammit. Nope, he wouldn’t be much good at nest-building, but I wouldn’t mind at all spending an hour, day, week, or month somewhere away from the nest, tucked away from the rest of the world.

Banish– Bobby: After making sure all the paperwork is in order, all assets signed off, because material wealth is all he has to give, no more, no less. Or it could be a helicopter accident, horrific, but hopefully quick and relatively painless. Or maybe the both of us skydiving and his parachute failing while I drift down in shock and horror, confident in his demise. An end in flight seems appropriate, yes? Like that crazy kid Icarus.

The close reader among you may have noticed that I put myself within shagging distance of all three. Oops. As long as we’re being confessional, let me just say that the one I stan for the most is this guy with the lobster, whoever he may be.

Author: Gingersnap

Management Analyst, part-time Adjunct Professor and Computer Software Consultant by day and Damian Lewis aficionado by night. View all posts by Gingersnap